{"id":1464,"date":"2009-10-13T19:05:53","date_gmt":"2009-10-14T03:05:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.andrewlorenzlong.com\/?p=1464"},"modified":"2009-10-13T15:24:51","modified_gmt":"2009-10-13T23:24:51","slug":"are-you-changing-your-facebook-relationship-status-or-are-you-just-happy-to-see-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.andrewlorenzlong.com\/?p=1464","title":{"rendered":"are you changing your facebook relationship status, or are you just happy to see me?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Commonalities, although not defined as such in Webster’s, are thought to be instances of the simultaneous births of like ideas in multiple minds at once.\u00a0 The light bulb, for example, was invented by two men around the same time, but one guy perfected it and patented it first.\u00a0 One commonality that seems to have started to show up is the universal frustration with the facebook “relationship status.”<\/p>\n

I never mentioned (on this blog)\u00a0my own frustration with this feature when it first reared its ugly head, but now my friends are going through the same ridiculousness, so I wanted to put my word on paper… or … thoughts on screen rather.<\/p>\n

When I first created my facebook account I was single, and listed myself as such.\u00a0 Somewhere in the fourth quarter of 2007 I started “officially” seeing my (now) ex-girlfriend.\u00a0 That “official”ness was verified by a facebook relationship status on both of our pages.\u00a0 The following February when we broke up neither of us changed our status.\u00a0 We eventually got back together six weeks later, but during that time her status caused me much uneasiness.\u00a0\u00a0 When we got back together she admitted that to her it never really felt like we were broken up but were on a “break.”\u00a0 I’d never gone on a “break” before.\u00a0 This was all new to me.\u00a0<\/p>\n

However, when we “officially” got back together, this opened up a new can of worms because she then removed her relationship status entirely.\u00a0 This brought my confusion over what was in her head (and whether facebook mattered or not) to dizzying new heights.\u00a0 I asked her about it and she said she decided facebook was only good for “real” networking and she wouldn’t have her relationship status on there anymore.\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 That made sense.\u00a0 I removed mine too.\u00a0 End of story.\u00a0 Fin.<\/p>\n

We broke up later that year and there was no “status” to update and be embarrassed about.\u00a0 That was nice.<\/p>\n

I didn’t think much more of it until last month when two things happened; first, I noticed that my ex put her status back\u00a0up as “in a relationship” and second, one of my good friends was bewildered by a similar change to the status of a girl he is dating.\u00a0\u00a0 They are in no way “official” but have been seeing each other for awhile and she changed her status to “single.”\u00a0 Obviously, this caused him some concern and curiosity (“should I even worry about that at all?\u00a0 Does it mean anything really?”).\u00a0\u00a0 I told him the only way to know what it meant was to ask.\u00a0 I was more concerned with my friend’s situation, but was also a little taken aback that the girl who said to me that facebook “wasn’t for relationships” apparently changed her mind (for someone else).\u00a0\u00a0 To make things even more confusing I found out at the same time that she was moving to China.\u00a0\u00a0She had a particular hatred for\u00a0long-distance relationships when I was with her.\u00a0 So,\u00a0is this guy going with her?\u00a0 Is this someone she already knows in China (even though she hadn’t been there for two years)?\u00a0 Does it really\u00a0matter?\u00a0<\/p>\n

No.\u00a0 No, it doesn’t.\u00a0 Her life on the other side of the world is her business and feeling “slighted” by something like that would be very juvenile of me.\u00a0 However,\u00a0it is an interesting situation\u00a0and when\u00a0combined with my friend’s problem on the same subject it sparks a larger inquiry into the appropriateness of any private busines broadcast on social networks.\u00a0 Yes, myspace came before facebook, but myspace was overrun by teenagers, who embarrass themselves with regularity and are easily forgiven for it later.\u00a0 Adults, however, are struggling with the “relationship status” question and slowly realizing that no status is the right status.\u00a0 And that’s not just <\/a>my opinion.<\/p>\n

Facebook brought a new seriousness with it, as first belonging only to college students who, by requirement, are usually slightly less reckless with information and technology than their less educated counterparts.\u00a0 Those of us who jumped on the bandwagon after college were even more hesitant and professional…. at first.\u00a0 I waded much more cautiously into those waters than many of my cohorts, but eventually opened up.\u00a0 A little.\u00a0 I still have only changed my profile photo once and I’ve never put up a general status update (i.e. “I’m taking a\u00a0dump now… wiping now… flushing now…”)\u00a0 I’m not a twit either, and I cause no end of trouble for Byron when I ask him what his tweets mean.\u00a0 More than once I’ve thought he was in some kind of danger because he wrote something like “12 stitches sucks” and I wasn’t in on the joke\/news.\u00a0 Consequently, this made me feel like an old man and I’ve stopped following everyone on twitter.<\/p>\n

But this was about facebook, wasn’t it?<\/p>\n

Although the relationship status conundrum seems to be a common problem, operating on facebook in general only provides more evidence for me that I’m not normal socially.\u00a0 I never really used to “comment” on any posts, but I was encouraged to start because it would be “good for networking.”\u00a0 I quickly found out that I’m as good at keeping a conversation going in person as on facebook (I suck at it).\u00a0 Half my comments are deleted by the original poster for being offensive (at least that’s what I’m assuming), the other half provoke bitter verbal battles. It doesn’t help that the facebooking members of my immediate family are verbal proponents of all things neocon and I get tired of having a bloody tongue.<\/p>\n

I’ve always felt I have some low-level psychological disconnect from society.\u00a0 Some kind of social disorder.\u00a0 I don’t mean that I’m antisocial, I don’t HATE people.\u00a0 I actually like talking to people that are intelligent\/interesting\/family\/friends.\u00a0 My problem is rather the inability to perceive what is appropriate around strangers.\u00a0 That doesn’t mean I curse like a sailor at cocktail parties, it means I don’t say anything at all.\u00a0 It also means I don’t know how to act at certain functions.\u00a0 A friend at school invited me to a halloween party last week.\u00a0 Ordinarily this would produce one of two reactions:\u00a0 “awww, I can’t make it, darn” or “cool, can’t wait.”\u00a0 My reaction was that of fear.\u00a0 I should go.\u00a0 But these situations, especially when you’re specifically asked to act out (costumes are encouraged) is something I run from.<\/p>\n

As part of the MBA program on the first weekend (I blogged about it) we had to be sequestered in a hotel in Pasadena for the weekend.\u00a0 We spent the weekend doing exercises with our group in order to get to know them better.\u00a0\u00a0 It was more like an executive “team building” workshop than a Tony Robbins seminar.\u00a0 Out of all the things we had to do, all the times we had to speak about ourselves or others, the thing that I found the most uncomfortable the entire weekend was on the last night when we had to imitate one of our classmates.\u00a0 In fact in their “reviews” of me everyone noted how somber\u00a0I am.<\/p>\n

I don’t have an “out” personality.\u00a0 Not just outgoing, but animated.\u00a0 I don’t generally get excited or joke around with anyone unless I know them well, and I certainly don’t display a “wacky side” or anything like that to anyone.\u00a0 Ever.\u00a0 Thus, a “costume party” becomes a nightmare.\u00a0 When I was in the 7th or 8th grade I was supposed to go to a halloween dance at school.\u00a0 I remember spray painting my hair green and my father driving me to school and when I was supposed to get out I took a long look at everyone wearing fangs and fake hair and dancing around and just couldn’t get out of the car.\u00a0 We went home and that moment set the general\u00a0tone for social interaction for the rest of my life.\u00a0 Although I’ve become less so in the last couple of years, my general reaction to any social situation (that I haven’t experienced before) is one of fear.\u00a0 I’ve found that most of the time these fears are ungrounded, and that is the only thing that has changed my attitude at all, but it is still there.<\/p>\n

And now, even on facebook I find myself deleting comments after I make them out of fear that the original author won’t take my joke the right way.\u00a0 More often than that I find myself writing a comment and then just simply closing the browser and not making it.\u00a0 This happens on average two or three times a day.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 Maybe even more than that.\u00a0 And the comments you DO see, I’ve rewritten five times and then immediately regretted after hitting the “comment” button.<\/p>\n

This social interaction fear extends to specific types of people too.\u00a0 I’m terribly uncomfortable around children.\u00a0 Not in a Catholic priest kind of way, but in a “what am I supposed to do here… what am I supposed to say?” kind of way.\u00a0 It is so bad that one coworker who has\u00a0recently\u00a0had\u00a0a child\u00a0completely avoids me and my office when she brings the kid to work.\u00a0 I suppose this has something to do with the fact that my childhood was unusual in that there was a complete lack of small children.\u00a0 My brother and I were the youngest of all the grandkids on both sides, and so nobody was having babies that we would spend time with.\u00a0\u00a0 No little cousins.\u00a0 The neighborhood kids were mostly the same age.\u00a0 None of my friends even had baby brothers or sisters.\u00a0 Sprinkle in a heaping helping of genetically inherited seriousness and quietude and you’ve got a recipe for disaster when little kids come around.\u00a0\u00a0 I’m sure my reactions (i.e. no reaction and\/or quietly tiptoeing\u00a0 out of the room) when children come around causes everyone to think I hate kids.\u00a0But I don’t hate kids at all.\u00a0 Okay that isn’t true, the kids that run around at the mall and bump into you and get chocolate all over your jeans I hate… but that is a result of bad parenting.\u00a0 Other kids are “adorable” and all that, but it would\u00a0feel completely alien for me to pick one up and start talking in baby talk.\u00a0 Maybe this is some psychological projection because of my own inability to make up my mind about whether I even want to have kids.\u00a0 The idea of taking care of them every day certainly isn’t attractive and I’d no longer be able to work on creative projects.\u00a0 Not to mention the horror of my child actually becoming one of those little annoying brats that I can’t stand.\u00a0 I’m reassured that my kids wouldn’t turn out that way because I’m not that way…but who knows.\u00a0\u00a0 Even if they aren’t annoying, my children could still reject me and run away.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Wait….\u00a0 how did we get here?\u00a0 How did I go from facebook status to my unborn children?\u00a0Did you really read that whole thing?<\/p>\n

You must be a true friend.\u00a0 A friend that an antisocial malcontent like me truly appreciates, even if I never say it.\u00a0 Thank you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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