So here we are. One week out into the wilderness. “over the bridge and into the woods, where did I go?” as My Morning Jacket would say. Or more precisely “I’m not here, this isn’t happening” as Michael Stipe advised Thom York to tell himself when he was going through similar experiences.
I’ve talked to pretty much everyone in my life that cares about me (and some that probably don’t) in varying degrees about my dilemma. Everyone seems to have different ideas. One friend told me to go to her house and stand outside all night until she agrees to talk. Since I’ve never been arrested, and I don’t intend to start now, I didn’t take their advice. Other people have said that a lot of couples go through this on purpose just to make sure they really love each other before thinking about the “next step.” And other people tell me to just not waste my time with someone that can’t make up her mind (or even be nice enough to talk with me about it). I’ve adopted a philosophy I think that encompasses all of this. I’ll start dealing with the fact that it may be over. At the same time I’ll keep the door open for her, and I’ll also contact her if I don’t hear from her within a month.
I’ve even had contact with one of her friends and two members of her immediate family. While the results of those contacts are not necessarily good – they could be worse. The consensus from those that are actually currently talking to her seems to be that I should just be patient and let her work things out for herself. It is implied that perhaps our relationship hasn’t ended, but without hearing that from her – I’m not going to read too much into anything anybody says. I spoke with her father and we agreed to meet on the 18th. I’m assuming he probably has more web work for me to do, but also wants to talk about the developments with his daughter. The first thing I did last week was write letters to her parents. This seems to have smoothed things over, at least with her father.
I know now that the likely #1 cause for all of this is that I had become co-dependent on her just as she was gaining back her own independence. She must have felt like I was suffocating her individuality rather than letting her grow into her new responsibilities at her job (and beating the other personal problems in her life). I’m assuming she needs that space now to gain her independence and at the same time teach me to stop being co-dependant on her. No woman wants to be with half a man.
As I wrote before when this wave broke I wasn’t able to eat. I still don’t have a big appetite. However, now I can only eat jello and pudding. I got my brackets put on Tuesday. They put spacers in-between my molars so they can put bands on them later (on the 21st). The spacers are separating the bone in-between my molars – so I can’t chew anything without pain. Even canned peaches give me trouble.
Just more pain though, getting used to “the suck” at this point.