F U Coachella

– I’m sure Paul McCartney will want us to listen to his less-than stellar material from the last ten years, not the Beatles, not even Wings (I’d be happy with just a half hour Band on the Run jam session for god’s sake).

– Henry Rollins does not equal Rollins Band. I would see Rollins Band, not Henry Rollins.  I can’t recall the last time Coachella had a comedian perform.  Worse yet, a singer that thinks he is a comedian and also a social scientist because he tells old touring stories that happen to be humorous.  Next year they’ll have Brett Michaels orate for an hour.

– I doubt it would cost me $99 to see We Are Scientists (and I’m sure I could get closer to the stage) at an LA live music dive bar.

-“MSTRKRFT” stands for what, Mystery Science Theater uhhhhhhh… Really Korny Really F’ing Tedious name?

– oh great Franz Ferdinand AGAIN, so now by attending Coachella every year I’ve caught them in each of the five minute increments of their 15 minutes of fame! I’ll definitely be bragging to my children about that one day…

– Morrissey, who has publicly stated recently he is tired of making music and is retiring. I’m sure he’ll put on a good show, because you know, people work the hardest the day they decide to quit their job…

– Silverson Pickups, again, small LA music venue would not cost $99 and keep me 200 feet from the stage.

– Crystal Method, been there, done that.. wouldn’t do it again.

– White Stripes? The white stripes are playing?! Holy crap, well you know I’m such an Indie Poser that I’ll have to go now!

– Wait, what? oh… White “LIES”…not stripes.. never mind

– Amy Winehouse, the most public drunken coked up mess of our musical generation – always = a good show.

– No Age. You guys look promising, but why the hell would I pay $99 to check out an indie band that is FROM Los Angeles and plays local cheap (and FREE) places all the time?!

– Perry Farrell. I can’t say I’ve heard your solo material, sir. It must be so good the radio (and my friends) are afraid to play it because if they did they would die of glorious musical ecstasy. I want to live, sir, so I will not be attending your show (at Coachella).

– Public Enemy – I have no desire to be in the background of “Flavor of Love” next season – so I’ll steer clear of this.

– The Cure – is this to make up for cancelling your Los Angeles concert dates? You know, I’ve listened to your entire collection now, and there are many people that do whiny 80s emo music better. “But we were the first!” yes, and many others learned from your mistakes, so thank you.

– The Killers. Yes! The 30 times an hour that KROQ plays the Killers isn’t enough – I’m going to be so happy to see them live finally!

wait – what? It isn’t the Killers but “the Kills?” oh… nevermind, then, KROQ isn’t overplaying THEM yet, so I’m not into them.

wait – what? It IS the Killers… AND “the Kills?” Jesus, I’m so confused! Can’t you idiots just get together and play rock paper scissors to pick a band name?? I mean a name isn’t that important anyway… Smashing Pumpkins.. what the F does that mean? They could have called themselves EraserNuts and people would have still bought the music. Now if there was a “Smashing Pumpkins” and a “Smashing Pump” on the same bill do you think anyone would like that? No! Change your stupid meaningless name!

-Yeah Yeah Yeah’s – This is the band that does “Y-Control“, right? I bought that song on itunes for $0.99, so what is with the 10,000% mark up in price to hear the song again?

People Under the Stairs – so, Ving Rames is kinda cool – maybe I’ll catch this set to see him.

– Band of Horses, since you won’t come down any closer to LA on your own than Santa Cruz I’d be interested… maybe. what are you guys so scared of anyway?  You guys are from Seattle, LA isn’t that much farther down.  Oh well, guess I’ll just have to be content with Ford commercials for now.

– Antony and the Johnsons. F U coachella for gobbling up the only “LA” date for this band on their 2009 US tour.  They are even going to my old stomping ground (Columbus Ohio) and NOT LA now!  You know, I haven’t been to Coachella in a few years, but I’d wager that Antony and the Johnsons isn’t really going to appeal to the average Coachella goer. Somehow I just don’t see the same upscale 45 year old gay men that I saw at their LA concert making the trek to Indio and sitting out in the sun all day next to tatted up 19 year olds with Fauxhawks and wannabe hippies. Not to mention the fact that Antony will likely not get top billing and so will be a short set on a small neglected stage. Screw (I bury) Paul McCartney, the only band I’d really go to Coachella this year to see is Antony and the Johnsons. But you know what? I already saw them/him three months ago with the LA Phil (who by the way you may not be able to see soon as Cal Phil has already cancelled their remaining concert schedule due to the recession and LA Phil may be next) for a third of the price.

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