At 8:40am this morning I received a very interesting email. In between organizing my goals at work for this week I checked out my gmail and saw the email you see above. Now, I’ve seen these before – they are the templated automatic emails facebook lets you send to non-facebook users you have email addresses for (facebook will search your email contacts for users and non-users and let you add them or invite them to facebook). The strange thing here was “Amy Frank.” Amy Frank? Who the hell is Amy Frank? I know an Amy Sloan who used to be Amy Foose… I know an Amy Wong, I know an Amie Dang, but “Amy Frank?”
My answer came from clicking the “more info” data (which I’ve again minimized here). This showed the email account connected to the facebook account (keep in mind my office, like most, blocks facebook, so actually clicking through on the link was not an option). The email address told me exactly who it was. A woman with a real (like a lot of people she uses her middle name as her first name) first name that I’ve never heard connected to another human being on the planet. My ex-girlfriend. No, not the one that found and emailed me on a dating site last week, but the one before her.
This brought up a bunch of interesting questions. #1, “Frank?” – I’m going to assume that she married some guy with a last name of Frank, probably safe to also assume this guy is a white guy. #2 Did she just hit “select all” when she ran the email scan on facebook, and thus doesn’t actually know that she emailed her ex-boyfriend her new name and information (and whatever else is in her account)? #3 If she did knowingly send it to me, what is her motivation after almost three years of zero contact? The last contact we had was an email from her on April 13th 2006 in which she told me I was a bad boyfriend and she deserved better – and was already seeing some guy at her (new) job.
One thing is certain – she wasn’t specifically looking for me by name – as she would have found me and tried to add me directly. This method means she simply searched for my email address – and I use a different email address when registering for these sites so people (exactly like this) can’t find me as easily. She has my gmail address -but not my “other” email- thus facebook didn’t find me when it did the search.
Now the question is – what do I do about this? Nothing? I’ve probably already wasted more energy than I should just by posting about it. Technically I barely use Facebook at all anymore (it was really more Beverly’s thing the whole time and so I was using it to be a bigger part of her universe); a cursory glance would probably lead people to believe that I’m still dating Beverly since neither of us have taken down any of our photos. As I mentioned, she contacted me on a dating site a few weeks ago. I won’t go into greater detail about that – but it made me wonder if she’d take down her photos and/or de”tag” herself from mine whenever she adds her new boyfriend/dates to her facebook account (she collects facebook “friends” like Donald Trump collects dollars). (and she will surely meet someone soon – the male:female ratio on the site is about 10:1 and believe me the female selection on THAT particular site is seriously lacking, so she’ll be in demand I’m sure) I don’t really care either way – but this email this morning made me think about all that stuff again and more.
Old girlfriends never improve with age–even if there is a lot of w(h)ine involved. Let it go. Could be checking back to see if you have a shred of self respect left that can be sucked dry—or—needs your heart for that offering on her secret undergound altar. Or is it just hopey for a changey? “if you seek Amy” thats what you will be.
I have a feeling this is just another instance of that “select all” checkbox.
“Old girlfriends never improve with age”
I’d say I’m an exception to the rule. I’m DEFINITELY much better now than when I stopped dating. But then again, all my dating took place during my teenage years and anything has got to be better than that.
Talkin’ about the relationship, not the person. “I’m a man, and I can change, if I have to, I guess”. Anyway—never known a woman who wasn’t an exception–that’s my point.
LMAO
Yes, you have a point there. I am humble enough to admit my faults, but believe me it’s true when I say I’ve made a HUGE improvement in the last 15 years. (My hubby will attest to that)
First off, I’m a little suspicious. Why would any woman in her right mind keep an e-mail address from a guy she supposedly no longer cares for? (Which you might also be wondering) I would delete any e-mail address from a former boyfriend, unless we were on good terms and friends. If the break up was bad, then he’d be gone immediately.
My second thought was she’s married now and just wanted to rub it in your face.
Re: Beverly. Mind you, I know absolutely nothing about her and you together, but some women go on to date other men then discover a few they’ve dated in the past really weren’t so bad and suddenly look really good. (especially as they get older)
you’re not a gmail user I can tell =P people who use gmail don’t keep a regular “contacts” list. Instead, when you want to write someone, you just start typing their name and gmail finds them for you (as long as they’ve emailed you or vice versa in the past). She didn’t have to “keep” my email because there was no formal list.
However, since her brother and I share the same name – she WOULD end up seeing my name a lot (assuming she emails her brother – which perhaps is assuming too much).
I don’t even think she wants to rub it in – if I know her she just hit “select all”… without thinking… which is her way… The underdevelopment of her profile (8 friends – 5 of which are relatives – and no photos) suggests this. If she really wanted to rub it in she’d at least put up a picture.
Re:re:Beverly. c’est possible. If I know her though – she’d never wander back this way even if she couldn’t find anyone “as good.” Although based on her important factors it won’t be hard to find someone in LA that is better. Shyness is not a common trait in this town. Ten years down the road when superficiality isn’t so important – we’ll see… But whatever, what she did wasn’t out of malice and so I still talk to her, Amy’s was (although complicated) and so I’ve had zero contact (until now) for almost three years.
oh crap…I was supposed to be studying. Great timing, Mrs. Frank… on the eve of my first actual grad school exam I can’t study because you’ve popped yourself back into my head… ugh!
Calvinball!!!